Bartender's Secret to Relating to People

Bartender’s Secret - How To Relate to People

      I was about twenty one or so when an employer I was working for at that time, knowing that I loved to read, gave me a book called "Positive Personality Profiles", by a very intelligent (and humorous) man by the name of Dr. Robert Rohm. Halfway through the first chapter, I was engulfed and almost the entire book in one evening. When I finished, I flipped back to the first page and read it all over again. By reading that book, I was given an amazing gift; a gift that has proven, and I am confident will continue to prove, to be an amazing asset in my life, in all areas of my life both professionally and personally. Knowledge really is power and the knowledge I obtained from reading this particular book has given me the power to relate to people according to who they are, based on their personality type.
    People are like snowflakes as in there are no two people that are exactly alike and we all have our own different personality. Before I begin, I just want to make it clear that I am not trying to argue that each individual personality is going to be pigeon holed into one of the four main personality types. However, most people show the majority of their personality traits within one of the four groups. Although there are many different personality templates, they are all basically the same. For this article, I am going to be using what is called the D.I.S.C. template because not only is it the one I am the most familiar with, it is in my opinion, the most simple yet the most effective one.
      Personalities are divided into four main groups and each letter in D.I.S.C. represents one of the four types. The main reason why I find this template the easiest to remember is simple; each letter, representing the type, is also the first letter in a lot of the main traits. I will get back to this in just a moment, but I would just like to take a quick opportunity to give a very brief history of the D.I.S.C. template because I feel as though it gives the template more credibility.
      I was surprised when I did a little more research on the D.I.S.C. template and found out that it has been around for a little over 90 years. I figured that it was something that was probably assembled in the late eighties or so, and became trendy in the early nineties or so. In fact, back in 1928 a very interesting and intelligent man by the name of Dr. William Moulton Marston who had received a PhD in the newly developing field at that time of Psychology published a book called Emotions of Normal People, which first elaborated the D.I.S.C. theory. For anyone who is interested, Dr. William Moulton Marston made a lot of contributions to not only the science of Psychology and is definitely a man worth learning more about. Just a little tidbit... He is also the creator of "Wonder Woman"... Yes, the Wonder Woman that we all know and love. He was also an inventor who had a lot to do with the polygraph machines that we still use today.
First I am going to introduce the four types along with a brief description.

The "D-Type" Personality

(Dominant, Direct, Doer, Determined, Decisive, Driver)

The "D-Type" tend to focus on goals rather than people. They are most comfortable with being in charge and take great pride in getting things done. They set high expectations for not only themselves but the people around them. They like to make decisions quickly and get annoyed when they feel as though there time is being wasted. They tend to be misunderstood a lot of the time and come across as being aggressive and mean, which more times than not is unintentional it's just they are blunt and "tell it like it is". Also, although they tend to anger quickly, they more often than not, get over it just as quickly. They are energized by fast-paced, results oriented environments. They also love a challenge and thrive on chances to advance. The great thing about a "D-Type" is that they get things done either on their own or as a group leader. They are bold, adventurous and not afraid to confront someone that they feel is not meeting their expectations. However, their downfalls are they are easily angered, tend to blow up and can be very hypocytical and demanding, often exploding when they don't get their own way.

The following are several ways in which you'll be able to recognize a "D-Type":

-They tend to be extroverted, active and they always seem to be in a rush.
-They like to take charge, especially in situations like meetings. It is important to them that they set the rules and agenda and that other people follow it.
-They are usually loud speakers and often interrupt others. However, they do not like to be interrupted themselves.
-When conversing with others, they are usually blunt and straight to the point.
-They are often aggressive, impatient and blunt.

The "I-Type" Personality

(Influential, Inspiring, Interesting, Impressive, Interacting)

The "I-Type" is charming, outgoing and optimistic. They are focused on people rather than tasks, which is a strength as well as a weakness. They are considered a "people person" and usually well liked by others. They enjoy telling stories, however they often tend to exaggerate. They thrive on meeting new people, networking and because they often see the "big picture" are very inspirational people. However, the "I-Type" more often than not, doesn't like to play by the rules and being as they are not into details are often scattered. They are energized by people and at the same time people are energized by them. The great thing about the "I-Type" is they are often very enthusiastic and creative and have the ability to inspire others to be the same. They have the ability to see the best in other people and help them to see the best in themselves. However, their downfalls are they often tend to talk their way out of trouble, so to speak, and are very disorganized. They also have a hard time following through with projects because they are so easily distracted. They rarely finish what they start and are often very superficial. They are energized by being in the spotlight and tackling new projects. Also, they thrive on initiating change and inspiring others to do the same. That being said, they lose their energy by being around negative people, working alone, deadlines and being criticized in public.

The following are several ways in which you can recognize an "I-Type":

-They are friendly, extroverted people and are usually very charming.
-They like to make formal meetings and things such as into social gatherings.
-Usually they speak with animation by using hand gestures and facial expressions.
- They enjoy telling stories, laughing and making people laugh.
-Because they enjoy working with people they like to include other's in their own projects.

The "S-Type" Personality

(Steady, Submissive, Supportive, Shy, Sweet)

The "S-Type" is very loyal, friendly and sympathetic. They are great listeners and their main goal is usually to help other people. They are very nurturing, often respecting the way things have always been done and don't like change. They thrive on stability and creating a stable environment for those around them. In fact, they are often working very hard and behind the scenes for the purposes of creating a harmonious background for themselves and those they love. The "S-Type" thrives on taking care of other people, and cooperating with other people, both personally and professionally. They are able to work at their best within small groups of people in which closer, more personal relationships can be formed. Stability is also extremely important to the which includes consistent, clearly defined expectations and rules. An "S-Type" does not like to make sudden decisions or to be the one that has to implement changes. Again, they are hard workers, and they do not like to see other people get the credit for their hard work, however, more than likely would not "speak up" if a situation such as that were to arise. It means a lot that they are recognized for their loyalty as well as being judged accurately. They often have few close relationships, however, those they have, the "S-Type" keeps very close to their heart and makes a strong effort on their behalf.

The following are several ways in which you can recognize an "S-Type"

-They have a tendency to be quiet and casual. They do not like to outwardly show their emotions in front of people they don't know well.
-They usually like to encourage other people to talk about themselves and are excellent listeners. In turn, they don't talk about themselves very often.
-They prefer to follow, not to lead and usually talk at a slow, relaxed pace.

The "C-Type" Personality

(Cautious, Conscientious, Compliant, Correct, Concerned, Contemplative)
The "C-Type" are very concerned with accuracy as well as quality. They are what I like to call "fact finders" because before making a decision, they tend to research every aspect of a situation before coming to a decision, including what could possibly go wrong. They tend to have a reputation for being logical and a perfectionist. They set high standards for other people and especially for themselves. They prefer to work alone and are sticklers for details. The "C-Type" thrives on having the information and data, more often than not, to prove they are right. They love being recognized and rewarded for specific things they have achieved, and are best dealt with at an easy, business like manner. A "C-Type" can not stand being rushed, feeling much more comfortable with adequate time to formulate a plan including every aspect from beginning right through the end. They detest criticism from people who do not have the facts to base their opinion as well as any situation that lacks order or regulations. Not only do they not respond well to sudden abrupt change, they can not stand any situation in which they do not have sufficient time to think it through. A "C-Type" person can very often be very closed minded to the ways that other people think, work, communicate and just plain out live their lives. Often they can come across as cold, not because they lack emotion, but because like the "D-Type" they are more focused on tasks rather than people. Although, a lot of the time, they tend to develop few close relationships, the relationships they do have are very important to them, and they are very loyal.

The following are several ways in which you can recognize a "C-Type":

-They rarely speak up at meetings and prefer to go off alone in order to collect information.
-Their offices and/or living spaces are often very neat.
-They usually speak slowly and matter-of-factly and try to avoid mistakes.
-They tend to be formal, direct and quiet.

    So, there they are. The four basic personality types. If you were unsure what I meant earlier when I wrote about this particular template, in my opinion, was easier than others to remember because the main traits of each, start with the same letter of their type.
      By now, even with just that little information given, you have a pretty good idea which type you fall into. Again, most people show characteristics from all four, however more often than not, one type shows more personal traits than the others. Which one are you? I bet you probably even have a pretty good idea where the people closest to you would lie. Just for fun.... Grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down the name of anyone and everyone you can think of. Family, friends, co-workers.. Anyone. When your done, go down the list and put the D.I.S.C. type, in your opinion, that person would fall. Even with just that tiny amount of information that you just read about each type, your list is probably pretty accurate. Just by the words written on these pages, which type do you think I am? I'll tell you at the end of the article.... You'll probably be right.
      This is probably around the time where most people reading this article (especially the C-Types) is probably thinking something along the lines of, "That's neat and all but how exactly is this going to help me relate to others?" The answer to that goes all the way back to one of my initial statements; more times than not, it is not what we say as much as how we say it. The only way to know the correct way of relating to another person is by first educating ourselves about each personality type, and like just about everything else in life, practice makes perfect. The more we not only educate ourselves about the types and their traits but apply them to our day to day interactions, the more natural it becomes. The methods that we can apply when relating to the four different types is, in my opinion, the most significant because it is then that our relationships with the people in our lives, on both a personal and professional level, change drastically for the better.
      I can't stress enough how important it is when dealing with a "D-Type" to be straight to the point and direct. They hate gossip and chit chat. They are extremely annoyed when they feel as though there time is being wasted so the most effective way is to make sure that does not happen is to be prepared ahead of time, no matter what the scenario may be. When at all possible, make them feel as though they are in charge of making a decision and that it is their opinion that matters most. Although they can often be aggressive, being meek or backing down is not the most effective way to counteract. Listen to their point of view before giving yours, for they hate to be interrupted. It's okay to disagree, and more often than not, a "D-Type" will respect your opinion and respect you for expressing it. Showing intimidation, which is probably natural because "D-Types" can often be intimidating, gives them the impression that you are a weak person that is just going to waste their time.



      The "I-Type" loves conversation and chit chat. Your best way of relating with them is to be friendly and conversational. If your dealing with a more formal scenario, you should still converse a little and be as friendly as possible before getting down to business. Your best bet isn't to take over a the conversation or to bore them with details. Ask them a lot of questions about themselves or something they are interested in. Out of the four, the "I-Type" is by far the most "people oriented" so quite simply, the friendlier you can be, the better. You'll probably find when relating to an "I-Type" personality type, you'll get the best results when you can help them find the best way to use their verbal skills as well as make them feel included.

      The "S-Type" is often very shy and the best way to initially relate to them would be in a very friendly and positive manner when initiating conversation. Being as they spend so much time nurturing others, I have found personally, a great way to relate with an "S-Type" is to ask them questions about themselves and how they are doing. Try speaking at a nice and relaxed pace and talk with them as often as you can. Being as they are great listeners, in scenarios in which the "S-Type" is a close person in your life, talk with them openly, honestly and ask for advice. It will always work at it's best with an "S-Type" when it is a situation, like asking one another for advice for example, that is give and take at equal measures.

      The "C-Type", being the "fact finders" they are, want as many details as possible, so if at all possible, your best bet is to always do your research before dealing with a "C-Type". They, like the "D-Type" don't like chit chat and basically would much rather just get down to business than waste time with small talk. Scenarios in which you are working or involved in any kind of endeavour, you'll get the best results when they feel as though they are actively involved if not in charge. Again, I can't stress enough, how important it is when relating to a "C-Type" that whenever possible present all the facts and details and ask them their opinion.

      Okay, if you made it this far, than you have it. The golden ticket. The secret key that unlocks a truly amazing gift; and this is one of those wonderful gifts that keep on giving. You have the gift of relating to people, based on who they are as individuals. I wouldn't blame you for maybe being a little, or a lot, sceptical or think I am embellishing when I say that these simple principles will change the way you relate with the people in your life on a positive level and therefore will improve the quality of your life dramatically, on both a personal and professional level. If you feel as though you would like more information about the D.I.S.C. personality types and traits before you feel as though your ready to apply them, there is so much information out there. Obviously I would recommend the book by Dr. Rohm mentioned earlier, however even just typing D.I.S.C. personality types into your search engine, oodles of information is out there. What do you have to lose by trying it, right?

Oh, and I am an "I-Type" by the way, in case you hadn't already guessed. ;o)